-Question submitted by Sarah Factor
“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.” - Cynthia Nixon
First and foremost ‘the gay community’ is NOT displeased, because I am in ‘the gay community’ and I am NOT DISPLEASED, therefore, ‘the gay community’ is not displeased. I absolutely hate how one or two loudmouth idiots get to define how an entire group of people ‘feel.’ It drives me wild.
What is it with everyone’s obsession over the ‘right way’ to be gay? Honestly, if a girl is too white or too straight, you’re pissed because she’s singing ‘born this way.’ If a woman sings songs about girl and marries a boy, you’re pissed because ‘she’s not gay enough.’ If a lady stands up for herself and the entire idea of being gay IN GENERAL and says ‘yes, i choose to be this way and i fucking love it’ you’re pissed off because she isn’t the right kind of gay??? WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!
Since when is there a right and wrong way to be and feel? And who’s in charge of deciding these things? And what is the point of finding the tiniest thing to get upset about when you could instead be celebrating the fucking revolution that’s going on? Cynthia Nixon is an openly gay broadway star who was on an emmy-winning TV series that is syndicated so hard you could literally see it on TV at any point during any day, EVERY day since 1998. She’s talking to the NEW YORK TIMES about her choice to be gay, and you’re pissed off?
Dear Gay People Who Are Upset By This: Calm Down. We are not all the same, we do not have all the same feelings and we will never all think the same way. You should be fighting for equality, not for people to be more like you.
I am also part of this ‘gay community’ y’all are speaking of, and I am also NOT displeased by the above comments. I would like to tell you about my feelings on this whole “it’s not a choice” argument, okay?
Yes, we know that for some of us/you/them/whatever this is NOT a choice. This is who you are, and there is no choosing involved. Guess what, though? That is not true for everyone. The way that I identify as ‘gay’ is just as complex as the next guy, but that doesn’t mean I am going to argue that it ‘isn’t my choice.’ Because you know what? If it was my choice, I would fucking choose it. I love dating women, and I love being able to kiss women, and I love the incredible human beings who I have had in my life as partners, and if someone told me to ‘choose,’ I would choose my life.
Now, for me it isn’t quite as black and white as Ms. Nixon describes it above (though I am certain it probably isn’t for her, either), but I completely, one thousand percent understand what she is saying, I do feel that there is an element of choice in my own sexuality, and I stand behind her words. She didn’t say it was YOUR choice, she said it was hers, and anyone who as much as suggests that those words make her any less of anything is working against the fight for equality that we are all putting our efforts toward.
No one is the ‘right’ kind of gay. To those of you who feel angry because you don’t want others to think you could opt out: Do you want to send the message to others that if you could opt out, you would?
Stand up and clap, because Dannielle and Kristin are so awesome!